Regained a little bit of faith in myself

I am constantly striving to find something nique within my work. Lately I have found myself snapping photos. Nothing really special, but it has helped me get a fresh perspective on my framing of video clips.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of...... well the pursuit

Central America has recently been my home well more than my actual home. I have spent a few months collectively between Mexico, El Salvador and Nicaragua now. The realization and acceptance of being on the road constantly and wandering aimlessly with a purpose has begun to sink in. It took a short conversation with a acquaintance passing in time to realize I'm not a lone in this journey. Similar stories, feelings of frustration and isolation exchanged. Sacrifice is not a meaningless word anymore. While I live a life rich in imagery and moments. Those moments either are embedded in my mind forever or become quickly lost in the montage of sensations constantly thrown at me on a daily basis. These sensations need to be captured developed edited and packaged for the masses to view.
It becomes easy to lose yourself in all the hype and so called fame. What is so glorious about losing your friends or your identity? Sure you are in these beautiful places, but you're honestly never really there. You blend in behind the scenes in order to not disturb the natural setting of the frame you hold in hand. I don't really know if that makes sense but it's the best way I can put it into words. You hold the picture, you remember it, but you were never there truly in it.
So now what? What next? I guess that's the question I have been asking myself all along. I still don't have an answer for it.
I don't really know why I feel the urge or need to sum it up or figure it out right now. But it's eating away at me. Why do I care or et so annoyed when people think this life is so easy? I know it's not so that should be enough for me right. I don't want to settle down. At least I don't think I do. I know I can't and thats enough to get me by. That;s enough to keep me pursuing this mirage of fame and fortune and everything in-between.

Some Time Spent at Home

I am fortunate to live a life on the road. But, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, there is no place like home. Here are some of my friends ripping apart the waves of Santa Cruz, California.

A long time overdue....

That's what a good friend of mine told me on the phone yesterday. It was a long time coming that I finally gradated from making surf smut. Choppy editing with no purpose, other to give 2.5 of surf porn pleasure. But what did that all mean. I never picked this path in life, it chose me. From every hardship along the road I grew stronger. I began to feel empty to. How can one grow as a person while a void within grows as well.
My eyes became sharper, my mind more clear and open as I shot more and more. Things fell into place and a career was born. I found safety in a proven formula. A formula that I didn't invent, but refined for my own style. Opportunities that had never even been fathomable became more and more occurring. But still something was missing.
I could show the surfer's abilities, but not his personality. I forged true feeling and emotions by staging shots, editing out what I needed. The story was skewed, and so was my view of the industry.
In the last year I spent much of my time on the road between socal, hawaii, mexico and europe. All of which were testing in their own way. I spent time with everyone i worked with, and all I found myself wanting to do was be alone. Find some solitude, clear my thoughts.
I knew there was a story there, but where. My mind became clouded and too entangled in the drama of superstardom and travel. Beauty became dull and redundant.
I got to take a break at the beginning of the year. A few people still believed in me, but i was still yet to believe in myself. It's not that 09/09 was a bad year. By all means for a rookie year I crushed it as hard as i possibly could have. I forced myself to be psyched on everything and claimed that I didn't know what to do for an encore.
The truth is I was scared. Sophomore slump? Burning out? Become not innovative enough.
As fate would have it, everything took off like a rocket again. New doors and new responsibilities opened up. One of my friend approached me about a long shot video project to be in the next big surf movie. When we started it and as the deadline neared I was a wreck. I thought there was no way in hell we were going to make it in. However we did. So what next what now. It def wasnt my best work, but the best i could have done with the time I was allowed to do so.
I guess I feel like I leave everything half empty, because if I put my full heart into it and it fails I would be crushed.
I hate rejection and I hate failure. Two things that I guess have haunted me this whole time. Respected by my peers and friends. but why? I haven't changed the world. I want more. I want something new and special.
I guess I found it by stumbling a long the way.
I thought to myself there is no way in hell im going to shoot a wedding ever. I don't want the stress pressure or just to be in the moment.
I don't want anyone to rely on me for their one special day to be remembered for the rest of their lives. Funny thing is five beers later, I agreed to it.
It was a perfect storm. I got back from my mex trip too late to make my friends wedding in Kauai that I was supposed to be in, and my boss at fox gave me some time off. I went to grab a drink with a friend who ended up blowing me off so I went to the prune yard to grab some coffee. I happened to see a friend on the way who was going to the bachelorette party. One of my other friends who I hadnt seen in a long time happened to be planning the damn thing. I was buzzed in the moment and said yes. WTF was I thinking.
Oh well the rest is history i guess. It came out cool, i think. The bride and groom said they liked it. Which i guess is what all that really matters. But every time i watch it, I feel that it has a sense of purpose. More so than some stupid hype video to sell a pair of bright neon boardies. I guess i have a new found confidence and a new found smile because of it.
Funny how life works out. ANother friend once told me I am the luckiest person alive. He said this because by all means my rational and lack of thought and planning should without a doubt set me up for failure and I should no where be in the place that I am now in life. But somehow, every bad decision I make works out to be the best decision and I come out on top smelling like a rose. Well I guess a little luck never hurt anyone right?

On the road

Some Content that has been lacking for a while

As of late.....

I finally get a chance to unwind and rethink and remind myself how lucky I am. While others endure the office grind that goes on with your typical 9-5, I get to make my own hours. Well, not really. On a side note, does anyone even read this crap i write anyway?
It's 1043pm. I have been home since the first of the year maybe a handful of times for maybe two handful of days. Friendships that once were strong dwindle as the fire dies. People always seem to be a blur as we cross paths in our travels. Everything seems to be moving at a million miles an hour. I wish I could just slow everything down for a moment, a second. Even now as I write this , thoughts of how I can improve my edits, what I have due, future projects all cloud my train of thought. AFI plays in the background, my eyes drawn to my computer screen. Searching for meaning, and the words to express what chaos is filling my mind.
I always have had trouble expressing myself to others. Everyone can see the quick whit, one lined, happy go lucky guy that I portray myself as whenever I am out. That's me I guess. Well that's me in the moment. But there is way more that lays beneath all that. The worry, stress, seems to grow everyday. Uncertain, I even have been having major sleep anxiety lately waking up in the middle of the night cold sweats and as if someone sounded an alarm for an air strike. I get out of bed and head to the computer room to edit, to do what I know is familiar.
It's kinda screwed when you start to form a routine in a life that is supposed to be routine free. Humans as a whole seek security in something. It's our nature. THere are some that break from that mold but even those rare few at times will seek something to comfort themselves.
I guess im just trying to write it down so I have a basis to spring board off from and figure out what exactly is wrong with me. If there really is anything wrong with me.
Well guess I'll figure it out sooner or later. Gotta Pack. Back on the road again.
-RM

Final Countdown

There are so many things on my mind right now. I am losing it at times I feel. I can't sleep and when I do, dreams seem to form this re-occuring nightmare. Maybe it is the resentment built up within? Maybe it's the uncertainty built up within? Maybe it's the fear of what next?
I don't know where to go from here. I have four days left. Four days, to leave it all out on the table. Far from the consequential stage of an Olympic athlete, but somehow that all seem irrelevant. Everyone to this point has worked so hard to make this once far off dream become a reality. I have to thanks Lucas and Nike for those last minute travel clips. Miranada crushed it on the artwork photos. Nat has done all he can in the little time we have had to pull this thing together.Two unnamed mentors have done all they can to help guide me in the right path and now it's time to shine.
It feels better to write it all down and leave it out to air. As cliche as those lines may sound. I always know I'm my most dangerous when I feel I have nothing to lose. Yet right now I am far from that place. TBC

Innersection Day Number 78

So Nat and I went up to the city to shoot a life style segment for his Innersection video. All we managed to accomplish was to get rained on, eat cold $2 chinese food, and hit a lot of people with a tripod. I'm sure all of those people who we hit won't vote for us. But whatves.

Nat Young

Nat has been hard at work trying to bag clips for his part in innersection. Here are some frame grabs of those clips.

Feb 2010

It's crazy to think how absolutely insignificant we are as humans. We the human population, who have for centuries now ruled the earth can be humbled in the matter of seconds. This is the case for 6 of my good friends from Santa Cruz. Josh Mulcoy, Matt Myers, Austin Smith-Ford, Kyle Buthman, Nate Zholler, and Jesse Colombo all suffered either season ending injuries or damn near close.
Kyle was the first one to be picked off by the swell of the decade, tearing all his ligaments in his knee while punting a seemingly harmless air on the inside jetty. Austin and Matt followed shortly after when they hit the outside jacks at the harbor. Nate got 5 stiches in his head after his board hit him at the Lane. Josh thought he'd broke his neck while surfing the harbor. He is the most experienced guy out there, and if he's gong down no one is safe. He was rushed off in a stretcher to the emergency room. Jesse Colombo hit the bottom while surfing the harbor and split his head open taking to staples to repair it.
I guess the lesson is..... I don't know what it is, but I'm not feeling so invincible anymore.

Josh Mulcoy

It's 4:30am,: The sun won't rise for another three hours. My mind is in complete turmoil, 4 more team videos due, a shop loop edit, and 9 rider profiles more to go. Hawaii, Mexico, Europe and a select few days at home all lay on the five different scattered hard drives that surround my monitor. All the pressure in the world is weighing down on my shoulders. Open my email, Mindy cleared the music track, a sigh of relief fills my head. It's cold better grab a hoodie this could be a while. Come back with a cup of coffee and and fox hooded sweat shirt, life improved just a little bit more. Open another email, Pete needs that europe article, the mags are hot for the story. I hate writing, more so than anything in the world, I guess that's why i shoot video and edit. I start to have a panic attack, well not really but it feels like it at times. There really is no need to rush or feel overwhelmed I say to myself, I need to stop thinking about the future and live in the moment.
5:30am: Where did the hour go I think to myself. Batteries are fully charged, wetsuit is dry,I have an empty cf card, and all my water housing parts. Life is good again. Phone rings, Josh is calling, f@&$ I'm already late. "Mulcs, talk to me brucie what's going down?" Josh has a distinct child like manner when he is fired up about something. After 5 minutes of being heckled about how lazy I am, and I'm blowing it even though there is no light anywhere to be found, I pack the car and head out. The routine is simple, phone call the morning of, agree not to tell my east side buddies, show up and capture the moments. Josh is a ghost, I often wonder that if I didn't work for Fox (his main sponsor), would he even call me to tell me where he was going to be surfing? Not, that Josh and I arn't good friends, but Mulcoy has that mysterious enjoyment for solitude. While most of us, myself included, shy away from the thought of surfing cold, shark infested water by ourselves. Josh has made a name for himself by venturing alone into the unknown waters that lay north of the comfort zone of Santa Cruz.
6:15am : Get into Santa Cruz, need to stop and pick up a coffee, Powerbar, and a Red Bull from 7-11. Another phone call, it's josh again. "Mulcs I'm down the street, I'll be there in five." I lied, I was nowhere near the wedgy "Mid-Town" right, nor would I make it there in five. I rush out of the store as fast as I can. S#&$ I think to myself, the sun is rising and rising fast, maybe if I hurry I'll only miss one wave. I frantically drive like a maniac to get to the final destination, good thing no one is on the road this early in SC. Pass the Santa Cruz Harbor, the sand has nearly completely filled in the harbor's mouth. I really don't want to leave next week to go down south, it could be firing. Rounding the corner of 17th avenue I am merely seconds away from being able to set up and shoot.
6:30am: Found Mulcoy's truck and parked behind it. Grab the tripod and camera bag head out to set up. FIrst sight, the lanky figure in the water executes a perfectly fluid cut back into the pocket, stalls, and stands tall as the wave looms over head. He gets, covered up and as he starts to make his exit from the green room barley gets clipped by the lips of the crashing wave and falls. Another sigh of relief overcomes me, today must be my lucky day. I probably would have lost sleep for a week or two if he would have made that wave. There will be another opportunity I tell myself, and finally set up and am ready to start capturing these rare moments a surfer enjoys. Josh has already made it back out into the line up, alone waiting patiently for the next opportunity to become one with mother nature. Session goes by like clockwork, paddle, stand up cutback into pocket, stall, get tubed, make it out. Josh would every now and then would get loose as he likes to call it and throw a little variety into the session by releasing his fins out of the back of the wave.
8:30am : Josh exits the water, asks me why it took so long to get down and set up to start filming. I could say nothing more than I needed a pick me up. "Junior would have been here and ready to go 15 minutes before I even suited up. Ha, just kidding!" There is something about Josh's laugh that eases all the harsh constructive criticism that comes out of his mouth. It's true I should have been there earlier, and I probably could have survived without that "pick me up", but that's why Josh is Josh and I am me. I live for the comforts of home, while he endures living without these unnecessary perks in order to achieve a greater bliss. Josh informs me that he has to go help his step dad move some items and that the harbor could be good later. "Keep it real". Is the only words I am left with.
8:35am What the hell I am supposed to do for the next 6 hours of my life until the harbor gets good as the tide switches? Time to call the usual suspects. Calling Matt Myers, no answer. Calling Bud, doing laundry will stop by soon. Austin, probably still sleeping. Nat Young, out of town in OZ. Sh@^# it's Rosie's birthday, better call her and wish her a happy birthday.
9:25am Bud finally comes down checks the waves and convinces me to go get some breakfast with him while we watch the harbor break.
10:45am Bud and I go film the same spot Mulcs had surfed earlier. Myers shows up and they both are killing it.
12:45pm Receive email from Mindy, some video that was supposed to be on the server never made it up and people need it now. Nothing I can do about it right now, I tell myself I'll deal with it when I get home tonight.
1:45pm Bud and Matt get out of the water, Bud and I head over to the harbor.
2:45pm Mulcoy calls, asks me if I'm with my "Eastsider Buddies", even though Bud's with me I say, "No" and that the harbor is getting good.
3:15pm Mulcoy shows fired up to surf, and also to heckle me about being with Bud. It's funny to think that Mulcoy and Bud are not that far apart in age, because I swear sometimes when I'm with both of them at the same time it's like watching a father with his mischievous son. Bud grew up with Mulcoy as his mentor and still now that he is far out of grommet hood, he still is like a little kid idolizing his superstar hero.
4:00pm Bud and Mulcoy paddle out together. Today is making my life so much easier. I can get Chris Wyman, the Kaenon Marketing Manager, all the clips of Mulcoy he needs, as well as help Patrick Trefz with his movie about Josh's life and still have extra footage for a fox web video.
The harbor is a unique wave, and when it's on probably the best wave in Santa Cruz. The wave is created by all the sand that flows out through the river mouth that is locate just west of the Harbor jetty. When the rain pushes all the sand out and the big west north west swell hit, it pushes all the sand into the mouth creating the wave. the wave starts behind the harbor jacks, violently breaking like a Waimea shore-break wave from hell. The wave stays hollow all the way through the tip of the jacks and into the boat harbor channel. In some rare cases during heavy rains and big storm swells, like we have been having a lot of this year, the sand will fully cover up the channel in the harbor entrance and the wave will connect through all the way to the beach. When the wave gets like this, it is usually a super tight packed line-up with a distinct pecking order. Josh of course, is at the top of this surfing food chain. Josh's dad was the infamous "Harbor Bill" Mulcoy, who for many year was elusive to the authorities and harbor patrol. It's funny to think that only in California where surfing has been such a corner stone of Californian culture that it is a crime to surf one of the best waves in the state. It is not only Josh's history with the wave, but also the style and gracefulness and ease that he surfs the wave with, that puts him at the top.
6:00pm I'm tired, cold, and Bud has exited the water 30 minutes ago. The sun is setting and Josh is still out. He broke his favorite board, but has an exact replica of it as a back up. He has gotten more than enough great tube rides to make even the most experience Santa Cruz surfer content and not need to surf for the next week. He still wants that one last wave. A set is arriving on the horizon, Josh sits and waits. First wave goes by, Austin Smith-Ford spins around and gets a good one. Second wave comes, josh holds his ground. Dylan Moon spins around and takes a heavy wipe out on the take off, but luckily didn't hit the jacks. Third wave, Mulcoy calmly strokes inward towards the jacks. he gets to his feet with ease, stalls and lets the wave throw over head. It's a long one, I can't help but write him off and want to stop filming but I continue to track the camera on the lip of the wave. The wave is halfway through the channel when his head pops up and out of the tube. Well, I'm glad I didn't write him off, the spectators from the jacks roar loud with applause. Mulcoy merely rides the wave into the inner harbor and exits the water. You could see the grin on his face a mile away. It's time for me to go back to my busy "real life". Emails, need to be answered and videos need to be edited.
On my way back to my car, I take a moment to stop and realize how truly fortunate and lucky I am to have this life style. I show up, film my friends, and make videos for a company that believes in me as much as I believe in them. I guess Josh is starting to rub off on me a little bit every day. I silently find the fire to wake up earlier and earlier, and endure the cold a little more without the comforts of home. It is the little things in life that make the difference, that's the only way I can begin to understand Josh. It is those little battles, and moments in life that truly define a person's character. I know I'll be up till 3am tonight, not because I have to be, because I want to. I want to be able to relieve the memory of today, because tomorrow it may not still be there. Live in the moment, enjoy the little things, be more like Mulcoy.

Some Photos

Here are some photos from the recording studio while I was hanging out with Citabria:

New Music

Was just taking a second to stop editing and realized that two of my friends play in kick ars bands. (as cliche as that may sound)
check out:
Picture Atlantic: www.pictureatlantic.com . They have a new EP coming out soon.
Citabria:www.myspace.com/citabriamusic . They have a new demo coming out soon as well as a full length album.

I was in the studio with Nate and the rest of the guys from Citabria and the album sounds insane. Look for it to be featured as one of the artists in Innersection in the months to come.

Hawaii Footage

If anyone is interested in Pipe footage from the end of January to the first week in Feb, let me know. You can contact me @ m.l.d.video@gmail.com