I am fortunate to live a life on the road. But, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, there is no place like home. Here are some of my friends ripping apart the waves of Santa Cruz, California.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
A long time overdue....
That's what a good friend of mine told me on the phone yesterday. It was a long time coming that I finally gradated from making surf smut. Choppy editing with no purpose, other to give 2.5 of surf porn pleasure. But what did that all mean. I never picked this path in life, it chose me. From every hardship along the road I grew stronger. I began to feel empty to. How can one grow as a person while a void within grows as well.
My eyes became sharper, my mind more clear and open as I shot more and more. Things fell into place and a career was born. I found safety in a proven formula. A formula that I didn't invent, but refined for my own style. Opportunities that had never even been fathomable became more and more occurring. But still something was missing.
I could show the surfer's abilities, but not his personality. I forged true feeling and emotions by staging shots, editing out what I needed. The story was skewed, and so was my view of the industry.
In the last year I spent much of my time on the road between socal, hawaii, mexico and europe. All of which were testing in their own way. I spent time with everyone i worked with, and all I found myself wanting to do was be alone. Find some solitude, clear my thoughts.
I knew there was a story there, but where. My mind became clouded and too entangled in the drama of superstardom and travel. Beauty became dull and redundant.
I got to take a break at the beginning of the year. A few people still believed in me, but i was still yet to believe in myself. It's not that 09/09 was a bad year. By all means for a rookie year I crushed it as hard as i possibly could have. I forced myself to be psyched on everything and claimed that I didn't know what to do for an encore.
The truth is I was scared. Sophomore slump? Burning out? Become not innovative enough.
As fate would have it, everything took off like a rocket again. New doors and new responsibilities opened up. One of my friend approached me about a long shot video project to be in the next big surf movie. When we started it and as the deadline neared I was a wreck. I thought there was no way in hell we were going to make it in. However we did. So what next what now. It def wasnt my best work, but the best i could have done with the time I was allowed to do so.
I guess I feel like I leave everything half empty, because if I put my full heart into it and it fails I would be crushed.
I hate rejection and I hate failure. Two things that I guess have haunted me this whole time. Respected by my peers and friends. but why? I haven't changed the world. I want more. I want something new and special.
I guess I found it by stumbling a long the way.
I thought to myself there is no way in hell im going to shoot a wedding ever. I don't want the stress pressure or just to be in the moment.
I don't want anyone to rely on me for their one special day to be remembered for the rest of their lives. Funny thing is five beers later, I agreed to it.
It was a perfect storm. I got back from my mex trip too late to make my friends wedding in Kauai that I was supposed to be in, and my boss at fox gave me some time off. I went to grab a drink with a friend who ended up blowing me off so I went to the prune yard to grab some coffee. I happened to see a friend on the way who was going to the bachelorette party. One of my other friends who I hadnt seen in a long time happened to be planning the damn thing. I was buzzed in the moment and said yes. WTF was I thinking.
Oh well the rest is history i guess. It came out cool, i think. The bride and groom said they liked it. Which i guess is what all that really matters. But every time i watch it, I feel that it has a sense of purpose. More so than some stupid hype video to sell a pair of bright neon boardies. I guess i have a new found confidence and a new found smile because of it.
Funny how life works out. ANother friend once told me I am the luckiest person alive. He said this because by all means my rational and lack of thought and planning should without a doubt set me up for failure and I should no where be in the place that I am now in life. But somehow, every bad decision I make works out to be the best decision and I come out on top smelling like a rose. Well I guess a little luck never hurt anyone right?
My eyes became sharper, my mind more clear and open as I shot more and more. Things fell into place and a career was born. I found safety in a proven formula. A formula that I didn't invent, but refined for my own style. Opportunities that had never even been fathomable became more and more occurring. But still something was missing.
I could show the surfer's abilities, but not his personality. I forged true feeling and emotions by staging shots, editing out what I needed. The story was skewed, and so was my view of the industry.
In the last year I spent much of my time on the road between socal, hawaii, mexico and europe. All of which were testing in their own way. I spent time with everyone i worked with, and all I found myself wanting to do was be alone. Find some solitude, clear my thoughts.
I knew there was a story there, but where. My mind became clouded and too entangled in the drama of superstardom and travel. Beauty became dull and redundant.
I got to take a break at the beginning of the year. A few people still believed in me, but i was still yet to believe in myself. It's not that 09/09 was a bad year. By all means for a rookie year I crushed it as hard as i possibly could have. I forced myself to be psyched on everything and claimed that I didn't know what to do for an encore.
The truth is I was scared. Sophomore slump? Burning out? Become not innovative enough.
As fate would have it, everything took off like a rocket again. New doors and new responsibilities opened up. One of my friend approached me about a long shot video project to be in the next big surf movie. When we started it and as the deadline neared I was a wreck. I thought there was no way in hell we were going to make it in. However we did. So what next what now. It def wasnt my best work, but the best i could have done with the time I was allowed to do so.
I guess I feel like I leave everything half empty, because if I put my full heart into it and it fails I would be crushed.
I hate rejection and I hate failure. Two things that I guess have haunted me this whole time. Respected by my peers and friends. but why? I haven't changed the world. I want more. I want something new and special.
I guess I found it by stumbling a long the way.
I thought to myself there is no way in hell im going to shoot a wedding ever. I don't want the stress pressure or just to be in the moment.
I don't want anyone to rely on me for their one special day to be remembered for the rest of their lives. Funny thing is five beers later, I agreed to it.
It was a perfect storm. I got back from my mex trip too late to make my friends wedding in Kauai that I was supposed to be in, and my boss at fox gave me some time off. I went to grab a drink with a friend who ended up blowing me off so I went to the prune yard to grab some coffee. I happened to see a friend on the way who was going to the bachelorette party. One of my other friends who I hadnt seen in a long time happened to be planning the damn thing. I was buzzed in the moment and said yes. WTF was I thinking.
Oh well the rest is history i guess. It came out cool, i think. The bride and groom said they liked it. Which i guess is what all that really matters. But every time i watch it, I feel that it has a sense of purpose. More so than some stupid hype video to sell a pair of bright neon boardies. I guess i have a new found confidence and a new found smile because of it.
Funny how life works out. ANother friend once told me I am the luckiest person alive. He said this because by all means my rational and lack of thought and planning should without a doubt set me up for failure and I should no where be in the place that I am now in life. But somehow, every bad decision I make works out to be the best decision and I come out on top smelling like a rose. Well I guess a little luck never hurt anyone right?
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